The Friendship Jar

I used to think people who had great and deep friendships in their lives were lucky, but then I realized they aren’t lucky at all, they simply did something that others don’t.  They consistently and thoughtfully invest and nurture these relationships. So how can you get these envy worthy friendships? One idea I came across and loved was the idea of the “Friendship Marble Jar” while listening to Brené Brown’s audio book “The Power of Vulnerability”.

I was delighted to have found such a great metaphor on how great friendships are made.  So I wanted to share with you in this post this idea you can use to build the quality relationships you want in your life.

In the audio book Brené tells a great story of her daughter’s teacher who kept a jar in the classroom and each time the class did something positive a marble went in the jar.  When the class didn’t cooperate together marbles were removed. And once the marbles reached the top of the jar, the teacher through a party for the class.

 Brené then goes on to talk about Marble Jar friends.   Brown says ‘people have to earn the right to hear your story.’  Meaning, people need to show you that they can hold your tender emotional parts, will care what happens to you and how you feel, and you can trust that you can be vulnerable and safe with them in most any circumstance.  And how this can be done filling up each other’s Friendship Marble Jars. 

Take a moment now and think about the relationships in your life right now that mean the most to you and write down a few things that they do to add marbles to your jar.

Maybe they do one of these things which adds a marble to the jar, each time:

• They call you out of the blue to ask you how you are doing
  
  
• They make you soup when you are sick
  
  
• Even when their lives are busy they find time to sit and chat over coffee
  
  
• They give great hugs
  
  
• They help you on a project
  
  
• They are there for you in times of tragedy
  
  
• You laugh together
  
  
• They keep a secret you shared
  
  
• Meets you half way when you have a deeper conversation for the first time
  
  
• They are fully present and listen when you are talking and sharing and ask you questions to know more
  
  

And some of the benefits to filling up the jars with marbles:

• You can talk about feeling bad for making a mistake knowing they have your back
  
  
• They let you rant and rave and get it out of your system – so you can be clear and calm again
  
  
• You can laugh yourself silly over inside jokes
  
  
• You know you have a shoulder to cry on
• 
  

Let’s talk about how marbles are subtracted from the Friendship Jar.

Essentially it is anything that breaks or prevents trust from growing: Lying, Gossip, Flaky, Excuses, Judgement, Disrespect, Inconsiderate, Making every situation about you, Always taking and never giving back.

And of course, filling up Friendship Jars goes both ways. "In order to have friends, you must first be one." Elbert Hubbard

 Now go out there and start filling up your Friendship Marble Jar today!