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My Happiness Blog
Sharing things to help you find more happiness

Feeling blocked, unmotivated and uninspired?  Part 3: Get Moving!

5/7/2015

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Welcome to Part 3 of my mini post series about how to deal with feeling blocked, unmotivated, uninspired or just plain stuck in a rut.  Today's focus is on GET MOVING   

As Olivia Newton John said:  “Let’s get Physical” 
In my last post we talked about using play-time. In this post we are going to talk a bit about getting out, stretching and exercising to shake things up!

Have you ever noticed when you feel a creativity block, you might also feel physically blocked too? Your body feels a bit stiffer, you may be slouching, and even your breathing may be more shallow than normal.

Just like physical activity is good for the body it is also a powerful stimulator for the brain too.

The importance of physical exercise for the healthy brain is discussed on Positscience.com:
According to a study done by the Department of Exercise Science at the University of Georgia, even briefly exercising for 20 minutes facilitates information processing and memory function.
“The benefits of physical exercise, especially aerobic exercise, have positive effects on brain function on multiple fronts, ranging from the molecular to behavioral level."
 
Here are a five ways to help activate your Body and Brain: 

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1.  DANCING: 
Ever tried square dancing, ballroom, or salsa?  I remember one time talking a newbie waltzing class and we all had so much fun learning the steps, gliding across the floor and em-pathetically laughing and encouraging each other to get better.   My mind felt lighter after the class and I felt inspired to try other new things.

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2.  SPORTS: 
What about shooting some basketball hoops or learning a martial art? How about grabbing your bike and going for a ride? Hit the Tennis courts and or even go hit a bucket of balls at the Golf Course.

Soon you will be visualizing wiping out those frustrations and blocks as you kick and chop your way into a better state of mind. 

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3.  HOLISTIC MOVEMENT:
Feeling stressed and blocked? Try some physical activity that helps to calm your body and mind at the same time. 
Whether it is Tai Chi or Yoga, this type of activity offers a wonderful solution to helping you break out of mental stiffness. 

Within the Yoga Journal, I found this post: 
A New Look at Yoga: Playing the Edge of Mind & Body
"The common phrase "up tight" is ordinarily used to describe a mental state. When you are up tight you can notice how the body is also physically tightening. These habitual body tensions that over years bring about stiffness are the repository of internalized mental states. 
Opening up in physical Yoga opens you up mentally and opening up mentally aids in the opening of the body."


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4.  STUCK IN YOUR OFFICE?
If you can't get away from your desk, you can still do movement therapy right in your chair to help you. Stretching is one of my favorite quick fixes. 

You will be surprised at how much better you will feel mentally and physically when you try doing some long slow stretching. 


Lift your arms up- Stretch your back- Roll your shoulders 


Be sure to also focus on taking deep breaths as you do each stretch. 


5. BRAIN EXERCISES:  
Back school, to keep us engaged during long hours of classes and studying, one our professors taught us some brain awaking exercises. 

Here is one of the brain exercises I learned that helped a lot:

This is from PACE - A Routine taught by Prof. Kinesiology Practitioner



Remember a body in motion tends to stay in motion, and this same rule applies to your mind. 
So take action right now and try out one of the actions mentioned in this post, and soon you will find with a flexible body comes a flexible brain too.

Feel free to share in the comments section what physical activities have really helped you break out of a mental rut.
~
In the fourth and final part of this Blog series - We will talk about reaching out and sharing with others can help you break out of a mental block. 


MORE RECOMMENDED READS: 
Part 1: Feeling blocked?  Get Inspired
Part 2: Feeling blocked?  Go Play

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Feeling blocked, unmotivated and uninspired?  Part 2: Time to Play

4/16/2015

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Welcome to Part 2 of my mini post series about how to deal with feeling blocked, stuck or in a rut.  

In my last post I talked about using Inspiration  to  help you break you out of your blocked state.  And in this post I am going to speak about Playing Games to stimulate your brain  to help you come up with a fresh and fun way to approach to your problem or block.
PART 2: Play a Game to Clear Blocks

 Do you remember playing as a kid – how you could quickly forget you just skinned your knees from a fall, because you were having so much fun playing with a friend? Well the same trick works when it comes to overcoming any kind of block.  Playing a game, can not only help you forget the fact you were in a blocked state, but if you play the right games you can discover ideas or solutions that will help you get your forward momentum back.

Set aside at least 15 minutes to play a game by yourself or with others. This can break your mental loop and help you get your brain to shift gears and get energized again with stimulation.

Not all games are equal or beneficial. Some games, decks and apps are just good for entertainment and distraction but there are some games out there that do more – they stimulate and inspire.

Feel free to try these:
And please share with me in the comments section if you have others to recommend

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Disruptus – Everyone of all Ages
The main purpose of this game is to stimulate innovation and disruptive thinking.  This game has been enjoyed by kids of all ages, but has also been a powerful tool used by Corporations to help them think outside the box and come up with ways to disrupt the stagnation of their own products and services.  Need help breaking the boundaries? Try this game.


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Creativity Whack Pack
Great for Creative Individuals, Entrepreneurs and Corporate teams

Author and Innovator Roger Von Oech, is a known leader for creating books and tools to help people break down the blocks and get back into action again.  This Creativity Whack Pack is well respected across creative and corporate types alike. In fact recently 
Timothy Ferris (of Four Hour Workweek, Body, Chef) even included this as one of his personally curated items in his Quarterly.co contributor package. 

So if you need to break out of habitual thought patterns, this is a good tool for you. Used by executives, entrepreneurs and artists, they use this 64 card deck to generate new ideas, make decisions and basically provides you a "creativity workshop in a box." 
(there is also a Creative Whack app in iTunes you can now purchase too) 


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Innovation Games - for Agile Entrepreneurs 

And, for those of you who are startups or agile entrepreneurs and are blocked about what products or features to build, I recommend checking out 
Innovation Games. 

When I was at Adobe, we received training in innovation games and processes, which turned out to be a great way to brainstorm, prioritize and plan, especially when you are trying to narrow down on what to work on next, when you have a large backlog of issues and features you want to address.

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The Whole Brain Game
I like this game because they designed it to get you to use both the left and right side of your brain.  Filled with intriguing and thought-provoking questions it is a great tool to get those mental juices going. This is perfect if you wan to engage both the creative and logical parts of your mind. 

You can play this with others or play by yourself. If you want to play by yourself, simply grab a dozen cards randomly and try answering them.  
So I challenge you right now! 
Get up go play a creativity building fun game and see what happens!
~

In the third part of this Blog series - We will talk about how exercise and physical movement can sweep away those mental blocks.


 RECOMMENDED READS: 
Part 1: Feeling blocked? Get Inspired

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Feeling blocked, unmotivated and uninspired?  Part 1: Get Inspired

4/2/2015

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Ever had a time in your life where you  felt blocked, stuck or in a rut?
The fact at some point in our lives, we will all be in this situation.

And There is nothing more frustrated when you can't see the forest through the trees.  Whether you are having writers block, lacking inspiration or just plain feeling stuck. Sometimes to get the juices flowing again you have to 
  • Take a deep breath, give your self a moment of white space and then take a second look at the situation
  • Shake things up and do something entirely different
  • Gamify the situation and convert the problem into playing
  • Use tools to help you look at the situation in an entirely different way

Are you ready to clear away some mental junk?    Great! 

This a four part series sharing ideas and tools to help you get unstuck.
1. Get Inspired - Need a quick inspiration boost right now? 
2. Time to Play - Need help Gamifying a way out of your rut?
3. Move your Body to Move your Mind - Its all about leveraging the body mind connection
4. Get out of your Head: Writing and Talking about it clears the air

(and if I missed any of your favorites - feel free to chime in on the comments section)

Let's Get Started

Get Inspired
Its time to summon your modern muse. Through exposing yourself to new ideas and taking a moment to laugh you can 
How do you do that? Let me share a few of my favorite ways 

Expose yourself to new Ideas
TED Talks - I can’t say enough good things about TED. I aspire to attendee one of these incredible events. They curate and bring together the most brilliant, inspirational and powerful innovators, philosophers, technologists and philanthropists – all who present short video talks about ideas that bring meaning and matter to our lives and the world around us. If I am feeling down or
stuck or need inspiration I simply go online and watch one of these 5 to 20 minute videos.


This amazing video from Elora Hardy who creates amazing bespoke homes right out of her imagination


Laughter is the best medicine
 IcanhasCheezburger - This site is ridiculous and that is why I love it so much. It makes me laugh and sometime laughter is a great way to disrupt and break up a mental block. Just a warning – if you are in an office environment–  you will more than likely find yourself laughing out loud.
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Find inspiration in Others
 You Tube – You can search for “inspiration” or “inspirational” and you can find a wide selection of videos that will help you move back into a to a state of mental motion.  One video I really like is called Levitate. The first few times I saw it I felt chills with excitement.  This video is a great way to change your locked state as it will inspire you  to take action after you see this. 

And if that video didn't get your energy going - and you are in a state where you are feeling sorry for yourself - that you feel like  you can't do it. Then watch this.  I felt after watching this, I had no excuses for taking action I had been procrastinating.
This kid is pure unadulterated inspiration to me.  If he can do it, I can do it, and you can do it. 


So are you feeling more inspired right now? Is your mind starting to break out of that rut.  Fantastic! 

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Next in the Unblock Series:
PART 2: Time to Play - Need help Gamifying a way out of your rut?

Now it's your turn...  
What are your favorite ways to inspire yourself to achieve and overcome being stuck? 
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Is Your Life Feeling Overwhelming and Out of Balance? Try this...

3/9/2015

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In life we are always searching for the right tools and ideas to help us make our lives meaningful, authentic and rich.  It is like a treasure hunt along our journey in life.

We all have these “aha” moments, and there is this wonderful recognition and you realize in your core, that this new idea or tool you have found is exactly what you need to help you along in your life journey.

As a coach, I come across a lot of ideas and tools, and I test them out to see what works and what doesn’t. It is important to me to discover the right solutions for my clients, so they will get deep value out of our collaborative coaching sessions. A very important idea I came across several years, and have found highly rewarding, is the “Four Rooms of Life”.

My discovery of the “Four Rooms of Life”

Several years ago, Nancy picked up this book on how to live a good life.  She would read to me quotes from this book and there was one that instantly connected for both of us.

It was a quote from a life memoire of a woman named Rumer Godden , and from her book called   “A House with Four Rooms”.

“There is an Indian proverb or axiom that says that everyone is a house with four rooms, and those rooms are physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Most of us tend to live in one room most of the time but, unless we go into every room every day, even if only to keep it aired, we are not a complete person.”

And for us in that moment, the idea sparked an idea that has created an annual ritual we have done at New Years, for the last two years. 

Here is our annual ritual using The Four Rooms:

Located in San Francisco, near the French Embassy, there is this place called Café De La Presse. It is this wonderful café where you can eat great food, and also purchase French magazines too.  We always request a table in a corner somewhere.   After we order our food, we are ready to begin.

Conveniently, all the tables are covered with white paper – which creates the canvas for our needs.
  1. With pens out and ready, we make a big cross to create 4 grids.
  2. Next, we label those 4 sections of the quads with the rooms:
·         Emotional
·         Physical
·         Spiritual
·         Mental

So it looks like this when drawn out:
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3. Next, under each section, we sit there quietly and write out things we can do to help us connect to and visit those rooms.

What do the answers look like?
Sometimes the answers come out as activities, actions, events goals or dreams, but whatever you write, the main thing is that it should help you feel like we have “visited” each of those rooms.
Be sure to include things you can do daily, weekly and even include one-time events.  

Examples of things I have added to my Rooms:
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4. When we are done eating and with our notes, we rip off the part of the paper we wrote on, roll it up, take it home and hang it up where we can see every day.  When I look at the Four Rooms I ask myself: What Rooms am I not visiting enough? What can I do to help me feel more balanced?

How anyone can benefit from this exercise

The magical part of this is how this exercise will be totally different for each individual.  This is an exercise of reflection and listening to your intuition – and only you can provide those answers. 
Simply follow the same steps we did and discover what Rooms need your attention.
While we love doing this at Cafe De La Press once a year,  you can do this exercise anywhere any time you need it.

When you do this exercise yourself I recommend a couple of rules:
  • Use this grid as a guide for how to live a happier balanced life.
  • When you are feeling off balance, look at this and which room will help you get back to that balance, and select one of your items from that room and do it
  • This grid can always be updated if you feel it needs to be
  • Trust there are no wrong answers if you feel you have answered honestly and intuitively
  • Don’t make this a list of only what you can do for others. The better you take care of yourself – the more energy you will have to help others.
  • Every day is a new day, so if you get off track and don’t visit all rooms, be kind to yourself- it’s okay. Just try again tomorrow.
  • There will be times where something you list could belong to multiple rooms and that is okay – just list it in the room it most applies too

When you try this exercise  – I would love to hear how it works for you:
+ Did you learn something about yourself you didn’t know?
+ Did you notice that some rooms were easier to make lists for?
+ Did it help you see which rooms you need to spend more time in?
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The Friendship Jar

2/16/2015

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I used to think people who had great and deep friendships in their lives were lucky, but then I realized they aren’t lucky at all, they simply did something that others don’t.  They consistently and thoughtfully invest and nurture these relationships. So how can you get these envy worthy friendships? One idea I came across and loved was the idea of the “Friendship Marble Jar” while listening to Brené Brown’s audio book “The Power of Vulnerability”.

I was delighted to have found such a great metaphor on how great friendships are made.  So I wanted to share with you in this post this idea you can use to build the quality relationships you want in your life.

In the audio book Brené tells a great story of her daughter’s teacher who kept a jar in the classroom and each time the class did something positive a marble went in the jar.  When the class didn’t cooperate together marbles were removed. And once the marbles reached the top of the jar, the teacher through a party for the class.

 Brené then goes on to talk about Marble Jar friends.   Brown says ‘people have to earn the right to hear your story.’  Meaning, people need to show you that they can hold your tender emotional parts, will care what happens to you and how you feel, and you can trust that you can be vulnerable and safe with them in most any circumstance.  And how this can be done filling up each other’s Friendship Marble Jars. 

Take a moment now and think about the relationships in your life right now that mean the most to you and write down a few things that they do to add marbles to your jar.

Maybe they do one of these things which adds a marble to the jar, each time:

  • They call you out of the blue to ask you how you are doing

  • They make you soup when you are sick

  • Even when their lives are busy they find time to sit and chat over coffee

  • They give great hugs

  • They help you on a project

  • They are there for you in times of tragedy

  • You laugh together

  • They keep a secret you shared

  • Meets you half way when you have a deeper conversation for the first time

  • They are fully present and listen when you are talking and sharing and ask you questions to know more


And some of the benefits to filling up the jars with marbles
:
  • You can talk about feeling bad for making a mistake knowing they have your back

  • They let you rant and rave and get it out of your system – so you can be clear and calm again

  • You can laugh yourself silly over inside jokes

  • You know you have a shoulder to cry on


Let’s talk about how marbles are subtracted from the Friendship Jar.

Essentially it is anything that breaks or prevents trust from growing: Lying, Gossip, Flaky, Excuses, Judgement, Disrespect, Inconsiderate, Making every situation about you, Always taking and never giving back.

And of course, filling up Friendship Jars goes both ways. "In order to have friends, you must first be one." Elbert Hubbard

 Now go out there and start filling up your Friendship Marble Jar today!

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Wealthy, Successful or Famous? Here is your gift bag... and an updated rule book we EXPECT you to follow

1/30/2015

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Money can't buy happiness,
but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer
.”
~Author Unknown



In this post I explore why being wealthy or famous, is not all it’s cracked up to be, and I will share at the end 3 things to ease the pressures that come with money or being high profile.


Based on what I hear from my clients and the extensive research I have done, most of the planet seems to believe if you have money, success or fame, you have no right to complain, and you should always be happy. After all, you have what others only dream of… right?

So ask your self these three questions:

  • + How would you feel if someone told you, you’re selfish for being unhappy?
    + What if someone you trusted as a friend, posted a very private picture to the web?
    + Have you ever had a less than graceful moment, and said something stupid that you regret, but everyone around you now won’t let you forget it?
    + And how would you feel if every time you went out for drinks or dinner, your friends always expected you to foot the bill?

    Such are the things faced on a daily basis when money and fame are part of your life.

Without exception if you are human you have basic needs (sleep, eat, drink), you need love (companionship, trust and support) and you need compassion (sometimes to be forgiven for mistakes you make). But for some reason, those who are wealthy or famous are sometimes held to different standards, rules and expectations.

In addition to the amazing and wonderful perks that come with money or fame (which are regularly covered by the media), what you don’t hear talked about as often is the personal cost and the strange dark rules you are impacted by once you cross over into realm of money or fame. Professional entertainers like actors or musicians, aren’t the only ones who face these challenges. Wealthy families/individuals, c-level executives, high tech founders, professional athletes, authors and those in politics face these pressures too.

So what are the Top 3 dark rules…


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Rule 1: You have no right to complain - if you are famous or wealthy

This wide spread belief results in those who have money or fame becoming increasingly isolated and private – which only perpetuates the following ugly belief:  If you have money or fame, and you complain about anything or openly state you are unhappy…people think

You are a snob. You are spoiled. You are selfish. You are evil. You are shallow. You are whiner. You are self-entitled. And the list goes on…

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Rule 2: You have it all, so it’s okay for me to betray you

In addition to the “you have no right to complain” rule, there are other vulnerabilities wealthy and celebrity’s face, like not knowing who they can honestly trust.

Think about it…Imagine you found out a friend stole $20 out of your wallet, how betrayed you would feel. Now imagine if someone you trusted embezzled over a million dollars from the family inheritance your Grandfather worked hard to earn?

But it gets even worse… what if that betrayal became published across online and television media.

How can you know if people really care about you or are they are only “fake friends” sticking around for the money or your status? With this kind of consistent uncertainty, it’s enough for any human being to experience a toxic mix of fear, guilt, distrust, anger, anxiety and loneliness. Whether or not you are wealthy or famous, we cannot forget, we are all humans, and crave genuine, no strings attached, loving human relationships, which money or fame can never buy.

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Rule 3: If you are any kind of a public figure, you have no right to any privacy


Some of the paparazzi (not all) have crossed the border into stalker status. When your media job rewards and requires you to be aggressive, (you have to get the shot or the story at all costs), then privacy and any chance of normalcy is shattered for someone in the public eye.

An actress can find herself thinking twice about going to In-N-Out Burgers, if it means seeing a photo of her chowing down on a cheese burger online and all the follow up, snide remarks about how “she is looking chubby, and now we know why”.
And the pressures have only gotten worse in this digital age of instant information.


Eminem sings about the pressures of being a celebrity in his song Monster:

"Wanted to receive attention for my music; wanted to be left alone in public. Excuse me for wanting my cake and eat it too, and wanting it both ways ...."
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So how can being rich, successful or famous suck less? 
Here are three best practices to help for individuals who are struggling with these types of situations.
(All of which have been have worked well for my clients)

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FIRST: Create a personal space where you feel safe and surround yourself with people who will be real with you…

When I work with clients my focus is to first create a safe and sacred no judgment space where they can be imperfect, unhappy, lack clarity, struggle with their purpose and meaning in life. In other words, they can be a real human being with me. Only then can someone feel safe enough to find a way to navigate the muddied waters caused by the complexities of their life and authentically find their own personal purpose and meaning, create a balanced life, and live their own definition of happiness.

Outside of the coaching sacred space, it is also very critical to have in your life, at least a few people you can truly be yourself with. These are people who can help keep you sane and grounded when dealing with daily pressure. They can be real with you and tease you, laugh with you and be a shoulder to cry on when you need a friend.

Two great examples of safe and trusted connections include: Oprah has her best friend Gayle and Angelina has Brad Pitt and thier beloved children.  Having these kinds of strong relationships can help you wade through those “fake” friends, endless lines of people with their hands out waiting to take your money, and waste your time, and in the end, not really give a damn about you.

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SECOND: Learn how to acclimate to your life’s reality … as graciously as possible

Life changes and shifts for everyone, but usually when you come into money or finally achieve success or fame, your current life now may suddenly be very different from what it used to be.

Make no mistake, you are still you inside, so it is important to take the time, and look at who you were and who want to be. From this, you can see what your core values are that you will carry with you throughout your life. It can also help you to identify new skills you now need to help you navigate with your life.

One skill I help a lot of clients with, is learning how to graciously say “No”, to people in their life, without feeling guilty or worrying about hurting their relationships.

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To give you an example of gracefully saying "No", I'd like to share with you a personal story of how I met Jason Bateman  and a very important  and gracious lesson he taught me
When I was teenager (a long time ago), I was at Six Flags Magic Mountain with friends in Southern California, waiting to go on a Roller Coaster. I looked over and was excited to see in the same line we were in, was Jason Bateman waiting in line with a young lady.

After the ride, we all got off and headed for the exit. I went directly toward Jason and asked him for an autograph(a practice I never do any more), and he looked me in directly in the eye and said, “I would be really grateful if you would respect the fact that I am on a date right now, and not ask for my autograph.”And I said “Of course, it was nice to meet you” and he replied “thanks” and left.

It left quite an impression on me, one of deep respect, even though he said “No” to me. In fact this experience with Jason, (along with a list of other unique personal experiences) taught me valuable lessons and insights that led me to become the Empowerment Coach I am today...So thank you Jason Bateman.


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THIRD: Let go of what no longer serves you …

Be being willing to let go of people, ideas and things that are hold you back and are maybe even causing you unnecessary drama or conflict in your life. It’s time to reflect and meditate on what is in your life is helping you find happiness and what is not. What you believe about yourself, your time, your capacity, your money may be helping you or hurting you. It is critical you identify what is holding you back and let it go.

Answer these questions right now to see how you might be impacting your own happiness:

  • What negative thoughts are impacting my happiness?
  • What am I spending my time, money and people on, that is not worth it?
  • How much do I let other people’s beliefs about me, impact me?
  • What people in my life are inserting their negativity and drama into my life?

So there it is…being wealthy or famous, is not all it’s cracked up to be.

In the end, we are all sleeping under the same moon, so let’s be kind and compassionate to one another (and especially to ourselves) And if you need support from who empathizes where you are coming from, I welcome the opportunity to help you.

Let me end this post with a quote from a woman who I greatly respect... Oprah Winfrey:
"Though I am grateful for the blessing of wealth, it hasn't changed who I am. My feet are still on the ground. I am just wearing better shoes."

As a Private Empowerment Coach, my calling is to help you discover, define and create a wonderful life, while helping you eliminate and heal anything holding you back from authentic happiness.  

Share this with someone you care about
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How to Choose Happiness over Fear, Anxiety and Worry

11/20/2014

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Today, at our neighborhood beach in Santa Cruz, I found myself in a zen state of calm and bliss as the fresh ocean air blew around and on me, filling my lungs with the sweet and saltiness of the ocean-kissed wind. 

I was in the zone.
I was merrily floating down the stream of life.
I felt in blissful alignment with the universe.  And I was grateful that I was so self-aware of what a wonderful state I was in.

With days and moments like this, it is hard to even think about being in any other state of mind.  That I could find myself tomorrow in a bad mood, or fearful or sad seemed absolutely out of the realm of reality. 

But you and I know this is inevitable.  Monday comes rolling around, and life gets busy with challenges and distractions and we find ourselves stumbling out of alignment with the positive state we were just in. 

One of the emotions we face that disrupts our alignment with the universal flow is fear.

A while back,  I did an exercise about fear with Bernadine, a friend of mine who is also a Life Coach.
In this exercise I listed my top 10 fears.  Part of the idea is if you list your fears, you can better face them.  As we talked about my fears, I really felt discomfort and also my tension rising.

But today, at the beach, I thought back on the exercise and went over some of the things that I listed as fears.  On this perfect day, in this natural setting, the idea of my fears seemed so alien…like they didn’t belong to me.  There was no room for fear because I was full of contented bliss.

I realized that my  truth is, when I am connected to the universal river of life and I let go, and I go with the flow - all worry and fear simply cannot co-exist in that reality.
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If I visualize my "life state" is a cup, and my cup is filled with peace and certainty and pure belief in everything connecting to create a perfect balance to the natural flow in the universe, then there is no room for self-limitations of fear.

I originally heard about this life-state “cup” when I was listening to the Audio version of Psycho Cybernetics (FYI - it has nothing to do with Scientology).   This audio book had a deep and profound effect on my life - and I discovered many deep truths, that to this day I value.  This “cup” analogy was part of one of the many discoveries I gained. 

 In Psycho Cybernetics, the author spoke of the idea that if your cup is full of fear, anxiety and worry, you leave no room for happiness, contentment and confidence.  You have to be willing to acknowledge what you are filling your cup with and to be willing to release or let go of any negative emotions that leave no room for the positive ones.

What I have found is the same goes for perception.  If you allow yourself to perceive only negativity around you, you are guaranteed to only experience frustration, betrayal and cruelty from people around you.  If you expect negativity, you are guaranteed to experience it. It will be hard to allow yourself to perceive the beauty, compassion and kindness from people around you.

I am not saying that it is easy to change from a negative to a positive state.  It takes consistent effort, conscious choices to let go of the negative and receive the positive in your cup of life.

It means taking a leap of faith, being brave.  And for some this may be extra challenging because some people find it easier, or may even feel safer by to keep negativity in their cup. 
But in the end - no one can fill your cup with what you feel, but you. 

Here are some tools you can use to kick start you in the right direction
:
  • Have positive, supportive loving people around
  • Read books, or listen to music that uplifts your spirit and provides wonderful insights
  • Get exercise and kick-in the adrenaline
  • Meditate or pray
  • Be consciously aware of what fills your life cup with positivity

It is always good to find tools and experiences that give you that extra boost to help you get back to the emotional state you want to be in. But if you really want to experience sustained lasting happiness in your life, you need to own the fact you get to decide what is in your life- state cup.

And in the end, you are in control of your emotional state and your perception - and all these affect how you view and experience the depth, richness and quality of your life.

You are in control of your destiny, your perceptions, your beliefs, your experiences and ultimately your life...and this is a very good thing because this means you can make the conscious decisions to get yourself in the happiness state you deserve to be in.

So choose every day, to allow happiness to fill your cup.

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The Secret and Consequence to the Meaning of Life

10/10/2014

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For a long time, I pondered, read and thrashed with the idea of what is the meaning of life.

What I found was a wide range of answers:
- The silly: He who dies with the most toys, wins
- The sacred: to serve God or Goddess
- The philosophical: we each define our own meaning
-  The cynical: there is no meaning


Out of all of these answers, at my core, I wanted to find a universal truth that could apply to anyone of any age, gender, sexual orientation, race, religion, and any political leanings. 

I suspect everyone on some point in their life has made this mental and spiritual journey to find the meaning in their life. Even Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living.  And of course, at the tender age of 2 or 3 our favorite thing to ask our parents (much to their chagrin) is “Why”.  So I supposed the burning need to find this answer is simply human nature.  

So my journey to find this answer began. I read blogs, articles, books, listened to podcasts, spoke with friends and spent quite a bit of time thinking about this.  Whether driving in my car or laying in my hammock, or watching the waves roll in on the beach, this idea of discovering the meaning of life kept coming back to me as a question that nagged me as needing an answer.

And the answer I finally felt was universal and right (at least for me) is:

      The meaning of life is to love and be loved.

It is so simple yet so encompassing of all that life is.

When you love, you care, and when you care you take action to show you love, whether in deeds or words. When you love you take care of others and they take care of you.  And when you feel loved and you truly know how to love, it becomes a very powerful positive cycle, which results in happiness, empowerment, and confidence.

When you don’t feel loved, when you don’t love yourself, you will also find it impossible to be happy. You can go into a powerful negative cycle, resulting in sadness, depression, fear, anxiety. 

So the next time you find yourself in a negative state – ask yourself:
* Do you feel loved?
* Are you loving others well enough?


And if not, take immediate action to love. 
If you are struggling to figure out how to do this try a couple of things:


  • Write a list of people who you love and people who love you.
  • Write a list of ways you can show love to others – a phone call, letter or text to tell them you love them and why; find a way to help them out; give them a hug.
  • Write a list of ways you can be loving to yourself.

And don’t forget to be loving to strangers around you – it is easy to show love to people we already know and trust in our lives, but there is something very powerful about being loving to someone you don’t even know.  So practice random acts of kindness and when you show your love, you will find that you feel loved and happy too.
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The Curse of the 4th Generation Wealth

9/3/2014

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You may have heard of the phrase “shirt sleeve to shirt sleeve” which refers to the common belief that for most of the Wealth in Family, will be gone within 3 generations. And time and time again this deems to be true, based on my personal research and conversations with friends and clients.  Below I also bring up 3 steps to how to break this curse.

Here is what happens with each generation:

1st Generation - this person or together with their spouses, they start with no real financial means,  but they works hard to gain the money. Usually this is driven by a deep desire to create a long lasting wealth legacy so they and their family. so they don’t have to suffer or struggle with financial issues.  These folks are the Earners.  They do all the work to make the fortune, and  some tend to have more conservative views on their money.

2nd Generation – Children of 1st Generation of Wealthy may either have first hand experienced  the family come into money or they were born into it. Either way, they benefit from the money in the family, usually don’t have to work for it.  These generations are the Gainers.  They will usually gain this money through inheritance or through trust funds.  They enjoy the benefits of their gained money, They buy the nice houses, wear beautiful clothes, spend their time on Charity or on the Board Arts Boards.  And unless they have the right circle of trust (various personal and financial advisers) this is where the family fortune plateaus. 

3rd Generation– The Children of the 3rd generation were born wealthy have learned their financial values from their family and peers. Most have never had to work hard for anything and lack exposer to natural challenges that come when money needs to be earned. Unfortunately they tend to run into problems with entitlement or money guilt.  This is the generation that tends to consume the financial fortune which leaves no financial legacy for their children.

The Fourth Generation - The Children of the 3th Generation, even though they were raised around money, have to live with the reality, there is nothing left in the fortune and they find themselves in the situation where to start the process all over again.



So what can be done about this?
How can this 4th Generation Curse be broken?

Here are three things that can make a difference:

One.   Parents teach your children what they need to know
+    Teach your children how to have a healthy sense of responsibility and respect for money
+    Expose them to situations where money can’t buy happiness but their own efforts can
+    Teach them about creating short term and long term goals – this will help them see their life as whole and not just what is happening at the moment


Two.   Get really clear about your own personal life purpose and meaning so you can come up with a Personal Plan to help you figure out what you want your life to be about  
+    Self-Exploration – Read books, attend seminars and reflect through meditation and journaling
+    Get a Private Empowerment Coach – If you find you need more than Self Exploratory work. If you want to have a trusted partner on your journey to help you figure things out, create plans and take action.  Your Coach can help you, overcome what is blocking you, create a balanced happy life with purpose and meaning. My clients are looking for that one on one support to take them to the next level of life satisfaction.
+    Meet with a Psychotherapist – If you find yourself facing persistent depression, anxiety, despair or grief, you should find a trusted therapist to help you through the dark back into light


Three.   
Surround yourself with the right Legal and Money Advisers*  who really listen to you and will align your Personal Plan with your Financial Life.  And most importantly of all, they should be all working together in alignment on your behalf.
+    Financial Advisers – From Insurance to Investments, you need a set of Financial Advisers that you trust to act in your best interest based on your needs and desire to grow and maintain the wealth legacy for generations to come
+    Certified Public Accountants –  A good CPA can help you with Tax protection strategies and help you keep track of your financial health.
+    Legal Advisers – From Estate to Tax Attorneys, it is important to protect your wealth and your family with legal experts who are well versed in working with Legacy Family Wealth.


So in summary, if you educate your Kids, get your own Personal Plan in order, and use that Personal Plan to work with your Legal and Money advisers, you can overcome the curse of the 4th generation, and your money can last for many more future generations. And that is a beautiful thing!  

* Note: Sometimes you get all or some of these roles in one place if you belong to a Family Office

As a Private Empowerment Coach, Holly Hansen believes she has the best job in the world, by helping you discover, define and create a wonderful life, and she will also help you eliminate personal blocks that limit your personal happiness and fiscal health.  Holly Hansen is not a Financial Adviser, she is focused on you as a coaching client and your personal needs, so you can effectively help you communicate to your Financial and Legal Advisers how they can best support you.


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How to raise rich (but not spoiled) kids (source: WSJ)

6/16/2014

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I came across this great article and thought it worthwhile sharing.

How to raise rich (but not spoiled) kids : 10 ways to help wealthy kids grow into financially successful adults

Like article author Jocelyn Black Hodes, my family also raised me to be financially accountable to myself.  Yes they paid for college, yes they definitely helped me along the way, but for the cars I drove after I got my drivers license were their used cars. 

In addition to making me aware of the values and respect for money, they also gave me the gift of empowerment, showing I didn't need their money to stand up on my own two feet and be independent.  It prepared me as an adult when coming into money how to have a respectful healthy relationship with it.  And this is something you can help your kids with too.


Here are some quick highlights of the article:

1.  Teach them early- Allowances, separate banking accounts, teaching them to budget, involve them in household budgeting

2. Set up a Roth IRA they can contribute funds to from their jobs

3. Have your kid be part of the process of setting up a 529 College Savings Plan

4.  Give them a housing head start -By gifting your kids the down payment on a house, you help them get a head start but also help them learn about tax advantages of owning real estate.

5. Foster the Family Business - Put your kids on the Payroll for jobs they can do within your company. This helps them get exposure to where and how the money comes, and could help them sustain you family legacy of your business


For the full article - click the link for Source
Source: June 16th, 2014 MarketWatch The Wall Street Journal, Author Jocelyn Black Hodes











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    My name is Holly Hansen.
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